Previously on EFFYMINE: She seems to expect it all. // The woman is divided and she must struggle with the distortion between her existence (unique) and her representation (multiple). // She has no name, let's call her Elizabeth. // The past, the present, the future, do not exist, they are only concepts. // It's easy for her to forgive, but she can't stop remember something that influenced on who she is now. // She knows the danger, the terrible thing. // She try to be real, doesn't play to bee the good one. // Do not believe all what you suppose to do, neither she nor the truth is so obvious.
Today, Episode nº9: The sad advantage. (put your F-shirt on!)
While there are people prone to escape from their past as if it followed them, Elizabeth just lets be reached. One more time she revies her past without fear of get surprised, perhaps with the slightly hope of that it would turn different, though she doesn't feel any disappointment if the things remain the same. She feels a relief when she understand that this past that come back it will be always that: a past, a boomerang that each time comes back she throws it further and it takes longer time to back and finds her. After all... how can you find something that you never had? Elizabeth has a past, though she knows that the past doesn't exist. She also know that the past never had her. She exists, invisible.
This thing that the distortion provides her (of being see for the others in a different way of who she really is) it works just like a costume, a wall of spines or a human shield. Elizabeth observes, spies behind this person with wich the others speak to and think that it is her. She watches, studies the gestures, listens the things, thinks quietly. She is in a meeting and listens the other talk shit about who used to be her best friend. She listens them laugh and joke about the young Maya. They are not friends anymore, if they would still friends she would defend her, because Maya came an hour after all they had fun with a insulting concept about her. Nobody repited the jokes nor said the same at her face, and Maya - believing them her friends, an Elizabeth her nothing, - spoke with all cheerfully, least with her, and Elizabeth wanted to go through the wall of spines and scream: "a few minutes ago they had fun by calling you slut, bitch and cheap, and now you are hugging one of those who said all that and you are not hugging me" but she finds it senseless to intervine, suddenly she finds out that this situation she already had lived it years ago. The people still horrible, Maya stills being Maya, and Elizabeth used to suffer, she hated all that. But Maya and Elizabeth are not friends anymore, maybe they never were it. Elizabeth reliving the inexisten past and she can understands how wrong she was when she thought that a time she had the friendship of Maya, who repits again the same that she did many times in the past: Maya acts like if Elizabeth doesn't exist, and Elizabeth does'nt want to still being so stupid of following her game, so she stands up and gives a kiss in the cheek: a kiss to each of whom had laugh about Maya, a kiss in the cheek of Maya... and she leaves, and thinks: "maybe now that i left they can make fun of me, and Maya will not defend me, surely she will laugh too".
"I don't care", thought Elizabeth then, "they will laugh of someone thinking that it's me, but they have no idea of who I am, and their laughter do not affect me because they do not know me." and that's the only advantage of living divided, distorted, invisible and without a love.
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A long time ago, we used to be friends
but i haven't thought of you lately at allif ever again, a greeting i send to you
short and sweet to the soul i intend
WE USED TO BE FRIENDS - DANDY WARHOLS
