AleF

Just like a lot of people decide to start a diet on monday, or an activity in March, when I had less that two numbers on top of my birthday's cake, the "new year" represented to me a "new life". I planned in detail a big change from midnight. I decided to be happy, have the best califications, be popular, have thousands of friends and clean up my room, in a few words: being someone else. I did it several years until I get the joke.

Previously on EFFYMINE: Just wearing clothes of man she feels the approval of the world, so dressed like a man she faces another day. // Mr H doesn't imagine it, Elizabeth loves him in secret. // In this world, divided and multiplied, with inner worlds and complex relations, and wrong concepts, a woman was transformed in her own secret. // She know the danger, the terrible thing... // Elizabeth wants to live better endings. // She will lose him. 

Today, Episode nº16: The true endings. (aleF)

What Elizabeth imagined as a good ending, ends like the best of the starts. To hug her father after two years of not doing it moved several inner pieces of her world, from having the blinds of her room always ups, to connect better with herself. She can feel anxious about this new year, something she didn't experiment since she was little. She thinks in the career she's going to start, the process that she already started, in that many things will happen, good and bad, but the important thing is that they happen. Elizabeth, who thought she will live invisible until her death, for the first time is projecting, she is correcting little by little that distortion between herself and her representation. She feels the relief, what means do not keep nothing, and thinks that maybe it's time of tell it all to Mr H. But Mr H already did his first appearance of the year, and behind him, Elizabeth could see a female figure go with him.
"Today he introduced me his new girlfriend." was the words that came out of her mouth before break to cry in front of her mother. "I have to stop seeing him." she thought as she squeezed her stomach with her hand crying at her bed. "I have to quite earlier of what I planned." she thought as the water of the shower was crushing her against the floor. "I have to forget him." she thought as the belt of the car squeezed her chest. "I'm going to leave him." she said as she was crossing the woman's bridge and her mother squeezed her by the waist in consolation after the eternal defeat.
At the next day, on work, Elizabeth was more calm, she accepted all. Mr H did his appearance again, with his smile, and his eyes, and all of what Elizabeth loves in secret. She decided to smile him back, but she couldn't, she only could see the other... the other, the other. She behaved detestable, she ignored him, she paused a number of insults as if she could reproach that he is happy in that way, reproach to him that she is this and not the other.
When Mr H was gone, Elizabeth thought again all what she did the night before, but this time nothing squeezed her.
She thought about the career she is going to start, the process she already started, in the good and bad things that will happen this year, and between them, what is going to happend is this: Elizabeth will leave Mr H.

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Sometimes I feel I've got to Run away I've got to Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me 

The love we share Seems to go nowhere 

And I've lost my light For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran) Now I'll run from you

This tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you 

Take my tears and that's not nearly all 

Oh...tainted love Tainted love

Now I know I've got to  Run away I've got to Get away
You don't really want IT any more from me 
To make things right You need someone to hold you tight

And you'LL think love is to pray But I'm sorry I don't pray that way
"TAINTED LOVE" - GLORIA JONES (*the best version of Tainted Love)